本帖最後由 糟木匠 於 2013-12-3 08:36 AM 編輯
[b]WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN
狗比男人強。。。
[/b]
Dogs don’t brag about whom they have sleptwith.
Dogs are already in touch with their innerpuppies.
You are never suspicious of your dog’sdreams.
Gorgeous dogs don’t know they’re gorgeous.
The worst social disease you can get fromdogs is fleas.
(OK, the really worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there’s avaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
Dogs do not have problems expressingaffection in public.
Dogs miss you when you’re gone.
You never wonder whether your dog is goodenough for you.
Dogs feel guilt when they’ve donesomething wrong.
Dogs do not play games with you ----exceptfetch
(and they never laugh at how you throw).
Dogs are happy with any video you chooseto rent, because they know the most important thing is that you’re together.
Dogs don’t feel threatened by yourintelligence.
You can train a dog.
Dogs understand what “no” means.
Dogs don’t make a practice of killingtheir own species.
Dogs understand if some of their friendscannot come inside.
Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
You can house train a dog.
Middle-aged dogs don’t feel the need toabandon you for a younger owner.
Dogs aren’t threatened by a woman withshort hair.
Dogs are nice to your relatives.
Dogs don’t mind if you do all the driving.
Dogs don’t step on the imaginary brake.
Dogs admit it when they’re lost.
Dogs don’t weigh down your purse withtheir stuff.
Dogs do not care whether you shave yourlegs.
Dogs aren’t threatened if you earn morethan they do.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
You can force a dog to take a bath.
[b]
HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME
狗和男人一樣。。。
[/b]
Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuumcleaning.
Both are threatened by their own kind.
Both like to chew wood.
Both mark their territory.
Both are bad at asking you questions.
Neither tells you what’s bothering them.
Both tend to smell riper with age.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Neither do dishes.
Both fart shamelessly.
Neither of them notice when you get yourhair cut.
Both like dominance games.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
Neither knows how to talk on thetelephone.
Neither understands what you see in cats.
Both have an inordinate fascination withwomen’s crotches.
[b]
WHY MEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS
男人比狗強。。。
[/b]
Men only have two feet to track in mud.
Men don’t have to play with every man theysee when you take them around the block.
Men open their own cans.
Dogs have dog breath ALL the time
Men can do math stuff.
Holiday Inns accept men.
Men don’t eat cat turds on the sly.
HOW DOGS AND WOMEN ARE ALIKE
女人和狗類似。。。
Both look stupid in hats.
莫名其妙的憎恨
Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.
可以一古腦兒吃掉五磅巧克力
Both tend to have “hip” problems.
會莫名其妙地憂鬱
Neither understand football.
對橄欖球沒興趣
Both look good in a fur coat.
在長毛大衣裡看起來不錯
Both are good at pretending that they’re listening to every word you say.
會假裝認真地聽你在說啥
Neither believe that silence is golden.
不理會 “沉默是金” 這個道理
Both constantly want back rubs.
喜歡讓人饒癢癢
Neither can balance a check book.
不理會收支平衡的簡單道理
You can never tell what either of them is thinking.
你不知道她（它）們再想啥
Both put too much value on kissing.
熱衷於親吻
HOW WOMEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS
爲什麽說女人比狗好。。。
It is socially acceptable to have sexual relations with a woman.
Women look good in sweaters.
Women leave the room to fart.
Though they only have two, women’s breasts are far more interesting.
WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
爲什麽說狗比女人好。。。
Dogs don’t cry (unless they have to pee).
Dogs love it when your friends come over.
Dogs don’t care if you use their shampoo.
Dogs think you sing great.
A dog’s time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
Dogs don’t expect you to call when you are running late.
The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you
Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
Dogs are excited by rough play.
Dogs don’t mind if you give their offspring away.
Dogs understand that farts are funny.
Dogs love red meat.
Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don’t hate it.
Dogs don’t shop.
Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
A dog’s disposition stays the same all month long.
Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
A dog’s parents never visit.
Dogs love long car trips.
Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.
When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can shoot it.
Dogs like beer.
Dogs don’t hate their bodies.
No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the Blowfish album.
No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.
Dogs never criticize.
Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
Dogs never expect gifts.
It’s legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.
Dogs don’t worry about germs.
Dogs don’t want to know about every other dog you ever had.
Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer.
Dogs don’t let magazine articles guide their lives.
Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one.
You never have to wait for a dog, they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.
Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
Dogs don’t borrow your shirts.
Dogs never want foot-rubs.
Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.
Dogs can’t talk. Dogs aren’t catty.
Dogs seldom outlive you.