短笛：我很好奇这个系列里，人家“怎么知道你是中国人”呢？：）
这个系列都是似是而非，似非而是的玩笑话，不必认真的。这里说的 “中国人”，当然是指以广东人为主，在海外生活的华人，和在国内生活的中国人没有多少关系。文章有好几年了，有些条目中说的是过去的事情，比如音乐播放机和昂贵的照相机，那都是老老年前我们刚出国时的境况。由于文化的差别，有些条目恐怕一下难以明白，
翻译的时候，简单的说明放在了括号之内。
（安大略皇家博物馆馆藏中国壁画，局部。点击看大图）
怎样知道你是中国人
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You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those bows) next year.
你小心翼翼地拆圣诞节礼物包，留下包装纸等来年圣诞节时再用。 -
You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas when they are 50% off.
过了圣诞节，等节日贺卡半价的时候你才会买。
-When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
如果厕所纸大减价，你会买上100卷，塞满橱柜和你的孩子成年後搬出去而腾空的房间（你不会给孩子留下他们原来的房间，你会在里面堆放不用的东西）。
-
You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
你家厨房的餐桌上，盖着一块塑胶餐布。 -
Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
你家的炉子上盖着锡箔。 -
Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
你家厨房里到处都有一层黏糊糊的油膜。 -
You have stuff in the freezer since the beginning of time.
你家冷冻箱中还有老老年前的东西。 -
You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
你把洗碗机当碗柜用。 -
You have never used your dishwasher.
你从来不用洗碗机洗碗。 -
You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
你有一个热水瓶，瓶里老有热水。 -
You boil water and put it in the refrigerator.
你把水烧开过後放冰箱里。 -
You eat all meals in the kitchen.
你在厨房里吃一日三餐（不用餐室）。 -
You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
你把购物袋，锡箔，锡纸盘统统收藏起来。 -
You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
你用购物袋装垃圾。 -
You always leave your shoes at the door.
你习惯于把鞋脱在门口。 -
You have a piano in your living room.
你家大厅里有一架钢琴。 -
Your parents know how to launch nasal and throat projectiles.
你的父母吐痰甩鼻涕，能准确地命中目标。 -
You iron your own shirts.
你自己熨烫衬衣（很少送洗衣店）。 -
You drive a Honda or Acura and are less than 5’8" tall.
你是那种勉强或者不够一米七高，开本田小车的人。 -
You pick your teeth at the dinner table (but you cover your mouth).
你在餐桌边儿上蒙着嘴剔牙。 -
You twirl your pen around your fingers
你常用手指头转笔。 -
You hate to waste food
a.Even if you’re totally full, if someone says they’re going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you’ll finish them. (Your mom will
give a lecture about starving kids in Africa)
b. You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
你憎恨浪费食物——
A。你妈妈老是跟你说非洲的孩子没东西吃，所以即使你已经饱了，将要扔掉的食物你会强撑着吃下去；
B。在你的冰箱里，有用小餐盒装着的两三口米饭，没吃完的鸡翅膀。 -
You don’t own any real Tupperware-only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, take out containers, and jam jars.
你不买成套的塑胶餐盒，你的碗柜里塞满了洗净过的黄油盒，快餐盒，果酱瓶（用来装食物）。 -
You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses.
你还会使用果酱瓶当茶杯。 -
You’ve eaten a red bean popsicle.
你肯定吃过红豆冰棍。 -
You bring oranges (or other produce) with you as a gift when you visit people’s homes.
你到人家做客时，总是提点橙子或者别的什么水果当礼物。 -
You have a collection of minature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
在离开旅馆时，你会把没用完的小袋洗浴膏带走。
-The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you save/steal every time you get take out or go to McDonald’s.
你的冰箱里有从低价超市买回的大包小袋作料，或者从麦当劳顺回的零散小袋佐料。
-
Ditto paper napkins.
还有餐纸，也和上条相同。 -
You wipe your plate and utensils before you eat every time you go to a restaurant.
每次在餐馆吃饭之前，你都会自己将盘子等餐具在擦拭一遍。 -
You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes)…These travel snacks are always dried. As in not just dried plums, dried ginger, and beef/pork jerky, but dried cuttlefish (SQUID).
每次郊游你都自带食物。。。你带的那些零食通常是干货。不仅有话梅（干杏子干李子），生姜片，猪肉干牛肉干等，甚至还有干墨鱼（其实应该是鱿鱼干）。 -
You own a rice cooker.
你只会煮米饭（不会做糕做饼，连烤面包都不会）。 -
You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
你煮饭之前会把米淘两三次（西方人煮米饭不淘米）。 -
You spit bones and other food scraps on the table. (That’s why you need the vinyl tablecloth).
你吃饭时把吐出的骨头以及其它残渣放在桌子上（西方人吃东西，放进嘴里一般不会吐出来）。 -
Your parents vehemently refuse the sack of Gold Coin oranges that their guests just brought just to be courteous.
到访的客人带来一袋金钱橘作为礼物，你的父母拼起老命像打斗一样地拒绝，那样是表示客气和谦套。 -
You fight (literally) over who pays the dinner bill.
你和你的朋友你死我活地争斗，在餐馆里抢着付账单。 -
Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
你爸爸自己修理家中所有损坏了的东西。 -
You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or law.
你读大学喜欢挑选实践性比较强的专业，如工程，医学或者法律（不是根据自己真正的喜好挑专业）。 -
When you go to a dance party, there are a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
在舞会上，人家跳舞，你和你的朋友通常不跳舞却总是喜欢围着看热闹。 -
You live with your parents and you are 30 years old (and they prefer it that way). Or if you’re married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood.
你已经三十岁了，还和父母住在一起，你的父母也高兴那样。如果三十岁以後你结婚了，你仍旧想和父母住在一起。即使非要搬出去，你也会就近找房子。 -
You don’t use measuring cups.
你从来不使用量杯。 -
You feel like you’ve gotten a good deal if you didn’t pay tax.
在商店买东西如果没有付税，你觉得捞了，非常划算。 -
You beat eggs with chopsticks.
你用筷子打鸡蛋（你家没有搅蛋机）。 -
You re-gift cookies or Christmas cake at Christmas (some could even be more than 5yrs. old).
你把饼干或者圣诞节蛋糕转送他人，那些糕饼可能已经颇有年头了。 -
You have a teacup with a cover on it.
你的茶杯带盖（西方人和奶茶，咖啡的杯是不带盖的）。 -
You reuse teabags.
你总是说茶包不好（西方人喝茶总是用茶包）。 -
You have a drawer full of old pens, most of which don’t write anymore.
你的抽屉里放着很多不用的笔，其中很多根本就不能写字。 -
If you’re under age 20, you own a really expensive walkman if you’re over 20, you own a really expensive camera.
如果你小于20岁，你一定有一个很贵的音乐播放机；如果你超过20岁，你一定有一架高档的相机。 -
You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling Information costs 50 cents.
你总是查电话薄，因为电话号码查询会花费五毛钱。 -
You don’t tip more than 10% at a restaurant, and if you do, you will let them stand and waite longer.
你上餐馆给的小费总是少于百分之十（通常为10-15%），如果偶然有一次两次你多给一点，你就会慢吞吞地摆大款的样子，让服务员多等一会儿你才给。 -
You’re a wok user.
你炒菜，煎饼都用炒菜锅。 -
You only make long distance calls after 11pm.
你总是要等到夜里11点钟之後，在减价了的时段里才打长途电话。 -
You know all the waiters at your favorite Chinese restaurants.
在你喜欢的餐馆里，所有的人你都认识。 -
You like Chinese films in their original undubbed versions
a. You love Chinese Martial Arts films.
b. Shao Lin and Wu Tang actually mean something to you.
你喜欢原音的中国电影，不喜欢配音片
A。你喜欢军事题材片和功夫片；
B。少林和武当，一提起来你的兴致就高了。 -
You tasted bitter melon.
你喜欢吃苦瓜。 -
You like congee with thousand year old eggs.
你喜欢吃皮蛋粥（广东风味），那皮蛋是上千年前的蛋吧？ -
You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached-it means they’re fresh.
你喜欢连头带尾的虾，这样你知道虾是鲜活的。 -
You never call your parents just to say hi.
你不会只为了打个招呼给你的父母电话（西方人给父母打电话，大多时候就一句话：“just say hi to ya, Mo!”） -
You always cook too much.
你做饭的分量总是多得吃不完。 -
If you don’t live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you’ve eaten, even if it’s midnight.
如果你远在外，你的父母给你打电话，总是先问你吃了饭没有，哪怕是半夜深更也如此。 -
Also, if you don’t live at home, your parents always want you to come home.
还有，如果你不在家里住，你的父母总是打电话要你记得回家。 -
Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you get sick.
你生病了，你的父母给你熬药，还守候在你的房间里。 -
When you’re sick, they also tell you not to eat fried foolds or baked foods because they produce hot air (Yee-Hay in Cantonese).
你生病的时候，你的父母还会告诉你别吃油炸和煎烤的东西，因为太热（特别是广东人）。 -
You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only sit 10 feet apart.
你工作的时候会给你的中国同事发电子信件，其实你们就坐在相邻的桌子边上。 -
Your parents never go to the movies.
你的父母从来不去电影院看电影（指去看刚上映的影片，比较贵）。 -
Your parents send money to their relatives in China.
你的父母会给国内的亲友寄钱。 -
You use a face cloth.
你用毛巾擦脸（西方人家里一般只有大块的浴巾，擦脸一般用纸巾，毛巾通常是洗碗用的）。 -
Your parents use a clothes line.
你的父母在外面拉绳子晾衣服。 -
You’re always late.
你总是迟到（西方人为了避免迟到，通常早到）。 -
You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don’t eat the last piece of food on the table.
你总是把碗里吃的干干净净，可是盘子里总是剩着没吃完的东西。 -
You starve yourself before going to all you can eat buffet.
吃自助餐，你通常会饿个半死才去。 -
You’ve joined a CD club at least once.
你至少会加入一个共享唱片的计划。 -
You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewellery or electronics, computers.
你知道哪儿可以买到便宜的首饰，电器或者电脑等等。 -
You never discuss your love life with your parents.
你从来不和你的父母讨论你的爱情。 -
Your parents are never happy with your grades.
不管你考试的分数多高，你的父母总是不满意。 -
You save your old Coke bottle glasses even though you’re never going to use them again.
你把汽水瓶汽水罐都存起来，虽然你不会用这些瓶瓶罐罐，你还是舍不得扔。 -
You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
你有割肉的小刀，竟然还会磨刀（西方人小刀钝了就扔掉）。 -
You keep most of your money in a savings account.
你总是那钱存在储存户口里（很少考虑投资）。 -
You own an MJ set and possibly have a room set up in the basement.
你有成套的健身设备，你的地下室里甚至有设备完整的房间。 -
You know what MJ means.
你知道MJ这个品牌。 -
You’ve been on the Love Boat or know someone who has.
你会参观拍摄系列片《爱之舰》的大船，或者你的朋友有人参观过。 -
Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.
你的牙膏总是挤得干干净净。 -
You say “whie” when anwsering your cell phone.
你接听电话时说 “喂” （不说哈鲁）。 -
You are familiar with the term “aiee yah…”.
你的习惯口语中总带着 “哎呀。。。”。 -
It take 3-4 days to finish sipping a can of pop and saving it in the fridge even there is only one drop left.
一罐饮料你会喝三四天，哪怕里面只有几滴了，你还是会把它收在冰箱里。 -
You enclose your remote controls in plastic to keep greasy fingerprints off them.
你用塑胶薄膜包着电视遥控器，免得手指弄脏了它。 -
You take this message and forward it to all your Chinese friends.
你会把以上这些玩笑的话传送给你的中国朋友。 -
You know why this list consists of surely “88” reasons.
上面已经有87条了，你还会加上这一条，一共88条，因为你认为88是吉利的数字。